


Make Westeros Great Again

by LionsEscaped



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV), Political RPF, Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Politics, American Presidents, Anti-Donald Trump, BAMF Olenna Tyrell, Beautiful Golden Fools, COVID-19, COVID19, Crack, F/M, Funny, Humor, Incest, Insults, Modern Era, Political Alliances, Political Jon Snow, Political Parties, Politics, RPF, Rumors, Satire, Sibling Incest, Twincest, Warning: Donald Trump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27150424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LionsEscaped/pseuds/LionsEscaped
Summary: Presidential candidate Donald Trump defeated Tywin Lannister for the republican primary in 2016, and is up against presidential candidate Daenerys Targaryen and vice-presidential candidate Tyrion Lannister in the general in 2020. He had a lot to say about his rivals and their relatives and allies. Crack (obviously!)chap 1: Trump mocks Tywin Lannister and his children, Governor Cersei Lannister, one-term senator Jaime Lannister, and former republican turned democrat senator and VP candidate Tyrion Lannister and a few allies of theirs.chap 2: Trump mocks Daenerys Targaryen and her VP candidate Tyrion Lannister, as well as their allies, including Jon Snow, Brienne of Tarth, and more.Excerpts: "Show us a DNA test for those three grandchildren of yours. No, not one done by doctor Quackburn. Nobody believes that." He turns to address the audience, "Am I right, do any of you believe those results?""She must have a thing for the little people. I mean look at her party, first Tyrion Lannister and now Jon Snow.""That's a woman? Are we talking about the type that's born or the type that's made?"comments now being moderated
Relationships: Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister, Euron Greyjoy/Cersei Lannister, Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth, Jon Snow/Daenerys Targaryen, Tormund Giantsbane/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 101
Kudos: 87





	1. What Trump has to say about Losing Lannister, his incest twins and midget party hopper children and more

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I absolutely hate Trump. But he does say a lot of amusing things and I couldn't help but wonder what things he would say if he was in a modern Westeros with GOT characters.

[](https://statcounter.com/) **What Trump had to say about Tywin Lannister:**

"Laughless Lannister."

"He never smiles, but I mean can you blame him? I don't think I'd be smiling either if I was father to Tiny Ty and Crazy C."

"Why would we trust you to keep wildlings from entering the country? You can't even keep your son from entering your daughter!"

"Tylose Lannister."

"The man has never smiled in his life. Has he? Has anyone ever seen him smile?"

"My children are good children. They are the best children, Don JR, Eric, and Ivanka. All very successful, and that's because I am the best father and the best at what I do. You got a daughter who should be locked up, a son, or half a son, who left the party to join Queen Elsa, and when I found out you had another son, well I never even knew you had a third child, is he living in your basement?"

"Sourpuss Lannister."

"He wants to talk about my failed marriages? Five months! Five! That's how long his daughter was with Crayboy before kicking him out of her palace and neither of her sibling's marriages fared any better. Well, that might have been because she was fucking one of them and the other she was trying to kill."

"Losing Lannister."

**What Trump had to say about Cersei Lannister:**

"Angry Lioness."

"She might be even more corrupt than Hillary." He paused, "Nah I'm kidding. No one is more corrupt than Hillary."

"There's something, there is really something, about that damn woman that drives men to drink. I mean look at her first husband, The guy goes on a hunting trip and the thought, just the mere thought of having to go back home to her causes him to drink so much that he stumbles into a wild boar and gets mauled to death! Then there's her little, I mean really little, brother. But hey I guess it worked out for the little man cause now he's got a sweet deal for VP with another crazy blonde."

"Wasn't her father gonna marry her off to Tinkerbell Tyrell to get the focus off of her fucking her brother?"

"She's beautiful but you want to know who is more beautiful? My daughter! My daughter is much more beautiful."

"She married that damn Greyjoy guy but I don't think she felt much joy from it."

"Damn fine piece of ass but she's the kind of woman you don't let spend the night unless you want to wake up with your dick missing."

That bodyguard of her's....what is his name....help me out somebody must know his name, ah that's it, Gregor Cleagane, there is something, really something about that guy that isn't right. He's like a walking corpse or something, yeah, you know what I mean!"

**What Trump had to say about Jaime Lannister:**

"Laime Lannister."

"He is one stupid motherfucker. Or maybe I should be saying sister fucker."

"A failed one-term senator who lives off his daddies money."

"This guy had his bionic hand painted gold. I mean look at it. Who does that? Look at it. Look at him."

"He's the stupidest Lannister, which is quite a feat!"

"He's even stupider than he looks which is really saying something."

"Did you guys know there was a third Lannister sibling? Other than Tiny Ty and the Crazy C? Cause I didn't know. And this guy....what was his name, James, no Jaime, they couldn't even give him a male name, and all this damn loser has done in his whole entire life is serve one term on the senate and now he's out campaigning for his daddy as if anyone cares what he has to say?"

**What Trump had to say about Cersei and Jaime's rumored incestuous relationship:**

"And he....he's got that bionic hand now, and I was wondering if he fingers his sister with that thing, is it still incest?"

(To Tywin) "Show us a DNA test for those three grandchildren of yours. No, not one done by doctor Quackburn. Nobody believes that." He turns to address the audience, "Am I right, do any of you believe those results?" 

"Who goes on a trip alone to Volantis with their brother when they're both married? Gimme a break!"

"The tinman left the scarecrow to be with the wicked witch and the witch was his sister!"

(To Tywin) "I'll release my taxes when you release your grandchildren's DNA results."

**What Trump had to say about Doctor Qyburn:**

"Doctor Frankenstein"

"This guy is so corrupt that he got kicked out of the citadel. Who the hell gets kicked out of the citadel?"

"Doctor Death"

"Hannibal Lector"

"Does anybody even know this guy's last name or where he comes from?

**What Trump had to say about Walder Frey:**

"This guy likes pie. He really likes pie. You ever see him? He's always eating pie. He loves pie. I tell you....this guy...this guy....you could put anything into a pie and this guy would eat it."

"His wife is younger than his daughters, but you can't fault the guy for that. What man wouldn't want a young hot piece of ass?"

**What Trump had to say about Bronn:**

"That bodyguard of Jaime's, what is his name? The one with the rumored mafia connections." He turns to the audience, "Does somebody know his name?" "Nah nobody knows his name. Well, this guy is so pricy even I can't afford him." He pauses. "I'm kidding. You know I'm rich. I'm really really rich. But nah seriously imagine hiring that guy. Imagine it! He runs from candidate to candidate bodyguarding for whoever in the hell pays the most. What's to say you can trust a guy like that? You'd have to constantly be lining his pockets in hopes he wouldn't shoot you in your sleep!"

 **What Trump had to say about Euron Greyjoy** :

"Hells Angels reject."

"Squid boy."

"How in the damn hell did Captain Jack Sparrow end up governor of the Iron Islands? Some Hillary Clinton level type of corruption going on there if you ask me!"

"And it's really funny, it's really really funny that this guy's got the whole Captain Hook thing going on, sans missing a hand. Maybe if he would have chopped off his hand to complete the look his wife would have been reminded enough of her brother to not divorce him!"

**Highlights from the final Republican primary debate 2016, in which Tywin Lannister was the only remaining candidate against Trump:**

Beginning of debate:

The two jilted ex-spouses of the Lannister twins, Brienne Tarth, and Euron Greyjoy walk-in, along with Stannis Baratheon and a slew of others who have accused Tywin's twins of having an incestuous relationship. and sit up front in the seats reserved for them by Trump. From Tywin's side of the audience, Jaime squeezes Cersei's hand as looks of horror cross both their faces. Cersei let's go of his hand abruptly, can't he see he's only making things worse? The oral he'd given her in the limo on the way there was risky enough!

An exchange between candidate Donald Trump and candidate Tywin Lannister:

"Nobody trusts you to keep wildlings out when you couldn't even keep your son's hands....oh I'm sorry hand I forgot he's just got the one now, you couldn't even keep his hand from slipping under his sister's skirt!" 

"Those disgusting rumors are untrue," replied Tywin.

"Why don't we let the public decide that? We've all seen the clip on youtube....you all know what one I'm talking about." 

"My daughter had a bee under her skirt. My son was trying to shoo it away," Tywin defended.

"Well, it sure looked like that bee was giving her one hell of a buzzing. Look go on this video...." 

"Mr. Trump. Time's up!" interrupted and informed the moderator.

Undeterred, Trump continued on, "If you go on youtube and look up Jaime Lannister's hand in sister's skirt you can all see what I mean....whew! For swatting a bee away he sure took his time!"

"We're gonna have to ask that you keep to topic Mr. Trump," stated the moderator.


	2. What Trump has to say about Desctructive Dany, Tiny Ty, and their allies.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donald Trump insults Daenerys, Tyrion, Jon, Brienne, Sansa, and more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments! Yes, even the troll ones. I hope you guys will find this chapter even better than the last. :)

[](https://statcounter.com/) **What Trump had to say about Daenerys Targaryen:**

"Destructive Dany."

"She must have a thing for the little people. I mean look at her party, first Tyrion Lannister and now Jon Snow."

"She doesn't even have to worry about knowing what to say at her rallies because by the time she announces all her titles they're over."

"What I want to know is why is Queen Elsa suddenly obsessed with fire?"

"Is she albino? Her hair is white. So white. And her skin so white. I like white skin. White skin is beautiful. But that is too white. Maybe too white. No, nobody can be too white. But she is white. Very very white."

"Say something positive about the other candidate. Mr Trump, it's your turn first."

"She's got a very pure bloodline."

**What Trump had to say about Jon Snow:**

"Little Jon."

"Would you really trust a guy who used to date a wildling and is now dating destructive Dany? He will...I tell you this guy would he would have our borders so open that the wildlings will be swarming in. They would swarm right in. Like flies on shit I tell you. Flies on shit. I don't like flies. Do you like flies?"

"That other midget with destructive Dany."

"Dany's boy toy."

"How the hell did this nobody get elected to anything? I'd like to see the ballots on that one."

**What Trump had to say about Jonerys:**

"Barbie and Ken on drugs."

"Targaryen Terrorist and Stark Simpleton."

"Imagine what a giant fuck you their union is to his family. Because they hate Targaryens. They really really hate them. Upright uptight Ned would be rolling in his grave if he knew."

**What Trump had to say about Sansa Stark:**

"I like redheads. Fiery in bed and out! But you have to like freckles. But I don't like freckles. She doesn't have freckles. I've seen no freckles. Makes you wonder how much makeup does she wears because redheads they have freckles. Lots and lots of freckles."

"And this woman wanted to have the North be its own country? I say we let her. We don't need the north. Nothing good ever comes from the North. They got cold. And dogs. Many many dogs. I don't like cold. I don't like dogs."

"Is she as fiery in bed as she looks?"

"I like redheads but you have to be careful. Sometimes they are wildling. I don't like wildlings. She is for open borders and that that brother of hers isn't really her brother. So it really makes you wonder, who is her father? Is she wildling? No, I don't think she is wildling. Her mother has that red hair too. Sadly her mother is no longer a ten but she has hair, very very red hair."

"She's deeply deeply troubled which probably means she's great in bed. I like deeply troubled women. They are great in bed. Will let you do anything. Anything to them I tell you!"

**What Trump had to say about Jorah Mormont:**

"Grandpa Friendzone."

"And he's been friends with her for so long. Like five years. No not five. Ten. Ten years his been friends with destructive Dany and in all these ten years nothing. Nothing to show for it. Not even a kiss. I tell you if that was me I would have hit that. Women love me. They all want me. But this guy is just sad. So very very pathetic."

**What Trump had to say about Missandei:**

"That black girl."

"She speaks a thousand languages and she translates but with that accent could you understand? I couldn't understand her I really can't. You need a translator to translate her translations."

"She speaks four or five languages, but I don't like Dornish translators....."

"She's Essoian, actually Mr. Trump."

"Essoian, Dornish, same thing."

**What Trump had to say about Greyworm:**

"I hear that his worm isn't very wormy and doesn't wiggle very much."

"A no name nobody who somehow this guy somehow, I don't know how he did it, but he got close to destructive Dany, and now, now this guy he thinks he's some champion for the people? Gimme a break!"

**What Trump had to say about Tyrion:**

"Little Lion Man."

"And he's short, he's really short, so I had to ask Pence, when this guy was at the VP debate did they have to bring a booster seat for him?"

"Munchkin man."

"And when he's sitting there at the bar or wherever he goes. How does it work? He's gotta be drunk off what a half a beer? Because he's half a man. But no, seriously he drinks what one or two before he is wasted? And then well what does he do? Because the woman I tell you they need more than one or two to go home with him. So he sits there and he waits. And he waits. Until finally some whore drinks enough to think hey this is a good idea. And how many beers does that take? Because it must take a lot."

To Daenerys: "This guy couldn't even be loyal to his own family, though what a family that was! Hey, do you think he felt left out? I mean he probably wanted some of that too! But this guy I was saying as I was saying he couldn't even be loyal to his own family, and you want him as your vp?"

"He likes to drink. He is small, so small, does one beer make him wasted? How does it work? Because a normal man you can drink four or five before you're drunk. But him? I don't drink. But he likes to drink. So how many beers does it take?"

"So if destructive Dany dies this guy would be president. Imagine that. Imagine it. Meeting with leaders. World leaders. He would sit there and his head would be where? It wouldn't reach top of the table. They would have to get a special chair just for him. Imagine that!"

**What Trump had to say about Brienne of Tarth:**

"I'd like to pull her pants down and see what's under there." 

"That's a woman? Are we talking about the type that's born or the type that's made?"

"Her rallies are so boring that even she falls asleep at them."

"Didn't your husband leave you for his sister?" 

"I don't like masks. Everyone knows I don't like masks. But for her, they're a good look. I mean you look at the face covered and all you see is those baby blue eyes and that firm body and you think wow! What a damn fine piece of ass. But then the mask comes off and you're wondering what the damn hell happened to the rest of her."

"The lips of a fish, with the nose of an elephant, and the neck of a giraffe."

"Her father must be very very deeply disappointed in her. Can you imagine? He finds this nice guy, really nice guy, what was his name? Hunt? No Hyle? That's it, Hyle Hunt. Really good guy. Wants to marry her. But she won't have him. Would rather have a man who likes men, or a man obsessed with his sister. Who will she date next?" 

"If my sister looked like that and my wife looked like THAT I'd probably leave my wife for my sister too."

"Fuck Loyalty she said, well that's certainly what her husband thought about his vows!"

"Mr Tarth.....oh I'm sorry you're a Ms.., I can't tell!" he turns to the audience, "Can you guys tell?"

"Boring Brienne."

"She was obsessed with a gay guy for years, then she marries a guy who leaves her for his sister, now what's gonna be the deal with that next guy she wants? Is he gonna go fuck an animal or corpse or what? "

**What Trump had to say about Tormund Giantsbane, King of Wildling Country:**

"King of the savages."

"So is this guy Ed Sheeran's brother or something? Cause he...he's got that red hair and they're all related, right?"

"An extraordinarily low IQ person. The lowest of the low. So low that it's double digits. Double digits I tell you! I don't like guys with low IQs. Because my IQ is the highest."

**What Trump had to say about Tormund and Brienne:**

"Oh god. Can you imagine....just imagine for a second. What their children would look like. Monsters I tell you. Monsters!"

"Who do you think is on the top when they fuck?"

"He likes them hairy. Very very hairy. His ex was a real bear of a woman and Brienne, well she barely has hair on her head, barely any hair there. Her body makes up for it because you can't you just I know you can't have a body that manly and not have it covered in hair am I right?!"

**What Trump had to say about Wildlings:**

"We're going to build a wall and the wildlings are going to pay it all."

"These people are savages. They don't read. They don't write. Their tempers are as hot as their hair. They believe in the old gods. Which is fine, really fine. But we are a faith of the seven nation. They would tear that all down, tear it all down I tell you."

"We still don't know how the sept happened. What happened there? Look I don't mean to point fingers but my money is on them."

"There used to be a wall. Thousands and thousands of years ago. A big, beautiful wall that kept them where they belonged. I am going to build a bigger wall, a much much bigger wall to keep them all out."

"They burn their dead. All of them. So they build all this fire, dangerous dangerous fire because they believe in some folk tales that the dead will rise. I've never seen the dead rise. Have you seen the dead rise?"

"They cheered when the sept exploded. I was in the North at the time. The north with its terrible terrible borders. When they heard the news they cheered, they danced in the streets and they cheered."

**What Trump had to say about Ellaira Sand:**

"Dora the explorer wants open borders! Nobodies surprised by that!"

**What Trump had to say about Samwell Tarly:**

"Sasquatch Sam"

"He's a loser. The biggest loser. The biggest biggest loser of them all."

"He has to like the wildlings because of who his wife is."

"Who do you think eats more? Him or Chris Christie?"

"An utter embarrassment to his family."

"And look at him. Really look at him. Fat. Very very fat. He must like food. And when he goes to a buffet he goes to eat and the people there must be scared because he will eat it all. Everything. Because when you see someone like that go in they will have seconds, and thirds, fourths, and fifths."

**What Trump had to say about Davos:**

"Evil Santa."

"He was with Stupid Stannis for his governor run and then with Little Jon, and now he's with destructive Dany, but this guy is a loser. If you have him with you you will lose over and over and over."

"Dull Davos"

**What Trump had to say about Varys:**

"Baldy"

"He switches parties more time than he switches socks!"

"Mr. Clean"

"I've never seen this guy with a woman, or with a man! Does he even have a cock? I have a cock. A good-sized cock. I don't think he has a good-sized cock."

"Mr. Oppurtunist"

"I have never seen anybody switch from candidate to candidate so much. How does anybody trust this guy? He is not great at very much. But he must be great, really great to get intel from. Not that I'm saying he does that. But probably, he probably does."

"Asexual? What is that? A sexual person. Very very sexual. We're all sexual. We all like sex. I know I like sex. I really really like sex. With lots of women. Beautiful beautiful women."

**What Trump had to say about Olenna Tyrell:**

"Curtainhead"

"She thinks she's funny. Very very funny with her comebacks. Women always think they're funny. They aren't. Look when's the last time you went to see a female comedian? Never. Because they aren't funny."

"Crazy old bat."

"She is crude and obnoxious. A real embarrassment to her family."

"And her tits are saggy. So saggy that she trips over them."

"She has a big mouth. A really really big mouth. A mouth so big. And there's shit there's just all this shit that flies out of it. It flys I tell you. Buzz buzz buzz out of her mouth."

"I think she's got dementia. Look somebody really really needs to talk to her housekeeping and tell them look, this is where the curtains went."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you've enjoyed! I've decided there will be one more chapter, a chapter where we get to see who endorsed Trump and some of the other characters' thoughts on him.


	3. Ramsay Bolton, Walder Frey, Lysa Arryn, and Craster all want to make Westeros great again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trumps 2016 endorsements and Cersei's complaints about Trump.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All but the last one are meant to have taken place during the 2016 election. Thank you for all the reviews thus far. :)

**Trump's campaign office in NYC, 2016:** [](https://statcounter.com/)  
  
"Mr. Trump, all he would say was Hodor! Hodor! over and over. There is nothing we can edit to work with." 

Trump stamped his feet and whined, "But we need at least one endorsement from the North! He has to endorse me!"

"Well, we could slow the message. Make it look like he is saying, "Hold the door." Then perhaps we could get other unaware northerners to finish the statement of "Hold the door open for Donald J Trump for president."

"A wonderful idea. Absolutely great," praised Trump.

Just then Kellyanne Conway walked in and announced that she had some wonderful news to share.

Ignoring that, Trump asked, "Did you get my Mcdonalds? Where is my Mcdonalds?!"

"No, but...."

"I want my Mcdonalds! You're fired!"

"But I...."

"Mr. Trump here is the Mcdonalds you requested," stated Steve Bannon, as he came in carrying two large bags of food.

Donald eagerly grabbed the bags, "What took so damn long?! I'm starving! I haven't eaten since lunch." It had been over two hours since lunch and he was indeed starving He'd been looking forward to his usual afternoon snack of two Big Macs, two Fillet-O-Fishes, and a large chocolate milkshake. He unwrapped one of the sandwiches and opened it up. He then unwrapped five or six ketchup packets and poured them all onto it. When he reached for a seventh, there wasn't one. "Where is my extra ketchup? I want ketchup!"

"Somebody get Mr. Trump ketchup pronto!" commanded Kellyanne.

Trump bit into the fish sandwich regardless of the fact that he would have preferred more ketchup on his fish. It wasn't long before Steve returned with a giant ketchup bottle he'd had stashed away just for emergencies such as this. Donald was able to properly enjoy his remaining fish and burgers with so much ketchup that it dripped down his big orange chin, making it look as though he'd had his own fight with a wild boar. 

Everybody waited patiently as Trump devoured his food. A hungry Trump was a grumpy Trump and nobody liked a grumpy Trump. 

Kellyanne, used to Trump's antics by now, asked if he wished to hear the good news she'd mentioned a few moments ago.

"Sure. Sure."

"I've secured endorsements from the North. Multiple of them in fact."

"That's great. Very very great," Trump replied, taking a big sip of his diet soda. 

"We've contracted film crews to film there and will get back to you in a few days."

"Wonderful. Very wonderful. Just like this food. Though not as good as Trump Steaks. Oh I sure do miss the gritty taste of Trump Steaks."

A few days later:

"Here are the endorsements you need, Mr. Trump. Some heavy editing will obviously need to be done on these but would you like to take a look?"

"Sure. Sure. I was going to go grab some women by their pussies but I suppose I can do that anytime. Because I'm rich. I'm really really rich."

With that they popped the blueray into the movie theater-sized tv and pressed play as they explained, "Now first off and perhaps most importantly, is Sansa Stark, followed by her sister Arya. I'm not honestly sure if Arya's is an endorsement or not, and Sansa hates both you and the democrats, but I think our editing team can work with these."

"I do not trust Donald Trump. He is a disgusting, sexist, and crude man. He is not what The North needs. But, I do not trust Hillary Clinton either. Not since she has been endorsed by Daenerys Targaryen of all people. I believe the North needs its independence! The north should be free of the Seven Kingdoms!" 

"And what do you think of Donald J. Trump, Arya?"

"Let's just say I've got a list and he's on it."

"Great! With their endorsements, I will surely win. Not that there was ever any doubt of that"

"Of course, we'll just make Arya's statement look like it's saying you're on her list of best political candidates, and for Sansa's we will edit out the 'not' part so that she is saying Donald Trump is what the North needs. Then of course leave in the part about her not trusting Hillary and Daenerys and of course, leave off the bullshit about the north being free. Now next up is Ramsay Bolton."

"I endorse Donald J Trump for president. He is an upstanding man who will get the job done. I know because he always has. Hey, can you guys tell him I miss going hunting with him? You guys had better tell him to give me a call."

"Now for Alliser Thorne:"

"We wouldn't want Jon Snow anywhere near the White House. Not even if he was running with a Targaryen, and that is where we're headed in twenty-twenty four if we elect Hillary Clinton. So vote Donald J. Trump and make Westeros great again!"

"Great great. Now how about the other nine kingdoms, how are my endorsements with them?"

"There are six other kingdoms and seven total Mr. Trump. But we have acquired two more as of recent. Here is one from the High Sparrow."

"Look the church normally likes to keep out of politics, but this guy is a good man. 

"And now next up is Peter Baelish."

"I endorse Donald J Trump for president. Make Westeros great again! Hey, I'm going to get a position in his cabinet for this, right?"

"Now for Walder Freys:"

"Of course I endorse Donald Trump. He invested in Frey Pies, how could I not?"

"And finally, one from Lysa Arryn."

"Who?

"Lysa Arryn."

"Whos that?"

"Catalyn Starks sister, Jon Arryns widow."

"Is that....is that...is that....the butterface with the nice boobs?"

"That would be her."

"Oh let me open up twitter and say a thing or two about her!"

"Mr. Trump, she endorsed you."

"Oh. I like her then. I like her a lot. But I have to tweet about somebody."

His campaign staff waited while he tweeted angrily about the midgets Tyrion Lannister and Jon Snow. When the satisfied, constipated look once again appeared on Trump's face they knew he had been sated and asked if he was ready to watch his final endorsement. He was and they began. 

"I support Donald J. Trump for president. I know that he is the type of man who understands how important family is. He is a champion for women's rights, especially the rights of mothers. Studies have shown that those who had been breastfed for longer went on to score higher on IQ tests as adults. Do you know how long Donald was breastfed for? Until he was married. That is why his IQ is the highest and why he is the best choice for president. There is nobody better than Donald J Trump. He understands the importance of children and what they need for their growing development. He is a good man, a family man."

**Elsewhere in the world:**

"What do you think of Donald Trump, Mr. Craster?" asked a reporter.

"He seems like a great guy this Donald Trump. The greatest. That daughter of his will make a good wife for him! I hope he gets in, then they can make Westeros great again!"

"Father, you do realize that if Trump becomes president the borders will stay closed and we will never be allowed in?" questioned a timid, shy feminine voice.

"Sounds like a great plan! So how do I vote? Hey, I don't need to know how to read to vote do I?"

"As a wildling, you are not a Westosi citizen so you cannot vote," informed the reporter.

"Well, that's some horsecrap there!" 

"Change your mind now?" asked the reporter.

"Nah this Trump guy still sounds great to me!"

"And what about you young lady, you seem to be in disagreement with your father here. What are your thoughts on the upcoming Westros election?"

"Hey, don't you dare talk to her! Get your damn eyes off my wife and get out of here!" exclaimed Craster.

\--------------------------

**Back to Trump's campaign office in 2016:**

"I know losing Lannister is a lost cause, a very very lost cause. Sad case. But have we managed to secure an endorsement from either of the incest twins?" asked Trump.

"No, but we're certain that one of them will soon. But do you really want their endorsements?" asked Kellyanne.

"I'd like Laime's more than crazy C's. People like Laime. I don't like Laime, but people, they like him. Found his marriage to ugly woman enduring. Made them hope for same, without the divorce. Or maybe with the divorce. Because Laime is rich. Not as rich as me, I am very very rich."

"Because all women want a handsome and rich man regardless of whether or not he would fuck a family member?" 

"Exactly! I of all people would know. I know. Look how many women want me. Many many women. And you've all seen Ivanka and you all know. You know If she wasn't my daughter I'd well I'd be dating her of course."

**Cersei and Jaime Lannister in 2016:**

Cersei Lannister looked into the mirror and practiced her well-rehearsed line. With each attempt, she was sounding more convincing. 

"I endorse Donald J Trump for president. He is what this country needs. He will improve the economy, creating many jobs and he will build a great wall to keep the wildlings out." 

Jaime walked in right then. He stared at her in disbelief. "Cersei! You can't be serious! You surely aren't really going to endorse Trump!"

"I am. I have to since he won the primary. Trust me I take no pleasure in this."

"But why in seven hells would you endorse that man?!"

"Because the other option is crooked Hillary, who wants to beat me on becoming the first female president!"

"Then just vote for him. You don't need to announce your support of him to the world! You've heard the things he's said about us!"

"Ah, yes, but it's all true!" defended Cersei.

"I don't just mean the incest jokes! I mean he's mean and nasty as hell. He said that you were the kind of woman you don't let spend the night unless a man wants to wake up with his dick missing!"

She laughed, "Well he may be right there. You nearly found out when you ran off what that Brienne cow years ago!"

Jaime sighed, "Well he also said that I'm a failed senator who lives off my daddies money and that Tyrion was a Freak of Nature. And he asked Brienne how long ago her sex reassignment was!"

"All true things and a valid question I'd like to know the answer to!"

"Not funny!"

"I wasn't joking."

"He also said that father never smiles and implied it was because of us, his children."

"Well, he is half right there. Damned Tyrion had to go and rip mother in half like the little beast he is."

"He was an infant. You can't possibly blame him for that!"

"I can and I do."

Jaime sighed wearily, it was useless to convince her to not hate their brother, but maybe there was still some hope she wouldn't vote for Trump. "Well, surely you have to see that Trump is too immature to be president. This one time just after he announced his candidacy, he retweeted a very insulting meme of us all from the wedding!"

"You mean that wedding that you weren't supposed to have!"

"Look I admit marrying Brienne was a mistake, but that doesn't excuse Trump making a meme out of our wedding party!"

"Which meme do you mean? Many memes were made from that day," replied Cersei.

"The one with our faces superimposed over different Wizard of Oz characters,"

"Oh! I loved that meme. Though I do not understand the reference to me being the wicked witch, I should have been Dorothy with perhaps Ser Pounce as Toto rather than that little Stark bitch and her mangy dog. But you with that hand made such a good tinman and Brienne looks just like the scarecrow, Lancel as the cowardly lion is spot on, and well of course Tyrion always makes a good munchkin!"

"Well I was not amused, nor was anybody else! We don't need a president who retweets that kind of stuff from his followers! I don't want you to endorse him!"

Cersei cut him off, "Well dear brother, that seems like a you problem. I have my political career and ambitions to think about here."

"Your career?"

"Of course. Trump is going to need a strong female for his VP if he wants any hope of winning this election. I am going to be that VP......and then, well then, well sweet brother, accidents happen."

Jaime looked at his sister as though she had three heads. "He is not going to choose you! You aren't even going to get reelected as governor! In fact, you'll be lucky if you manage to finish out your term as governor without getting impeached as everybody knows about us now!"

"Rumors. Nobody can prove anything, and impeachment? Be serious brother! Nobody ever gets impeached! Not even Bill Clinton got impeached after what he did in the oval office! Democrat or Republican, once you're a high rising political figure you're untouchable! All we have to do is continue to deny the obvious! Now if you'll excuse me I have to go."

Jaime pouted, "Very well then."

"Cheer up sweet brother." She moved in and roughly kissed him. In spite of himself, he could not help but kiss her back. "I can't wait till we do our very own oral in the oval office," she stated once they came up for breath.

"MMMM, yes, oral in oral office, mmmmmm" replied Jaime, a dreamy look in his face. With that Cersei untangled herself from his arms. "Yes, that's what that office was made for after all! Now as enjoyable as this is sweet brother, I must be going now."

"Do you have to?" he complained.

"Yes. But you can stop by again later tonight, though not too late, brothers don't typically visit at 2am," she stated.

"Alright. I'll see ya this evening then," replied Jaime, his voice dripping with disappointment as she left. "Wait what did you mean by accidents happen? Are you saying you've made accidents happen? What accidents?"

\------------------  
**Cersei and Jaime during 2020 Election:**

"I think I need to start a new political party," complained Cersei.

"Third parties never have a chance," reminded Jaime.

"But maybe, with Trump running again and Daenerys running against him people will see how much better I am."

"Doubtful. You really should have just switched parties to run as a Democrat in the primary if you wanted to have a chance against both Daenerys and Trump."

Cersei made a face. "But then they would have expected me to do things for poor people, like universal healthcare and free college. Not to mention that I'd have to agree to some sort of path for citizenship for those disgusting ginger freaks!"

"I believe wildlings in the correct term. And they aren't all..."

"You've been spending way too much time with Tyrion. Not to mention that man-beast you divorced. You're starting to sound just like them!" Cersei replied, cutting him off."

"I am sorry. But as I was saying, you really could have run as a democrat. Politicians never keep their promises. Look at Trump's wall for example. You likely wouldn't have gotten a second term but you'd be president. For a time."

"You know I wouldn't mind the free healthcare and college for the smallfolk so much if we could just tax them more and lower taxes on the rich such as myself," Cersei commented.

"But it's not like you are hurting for money," Jaime pointed out.

"Still, any amount of my money that goes to the smallfolk is too much! Tho I suppose as much as I hate his disgusting sexist ass at least one good thing came from Trump's election."

"What's that?" asked Jaime confused.

"The goat method, of course. Haven't you been paying attention?"

"The goat method?" Jaime asked, baffled.

"Trump pays less than a thousand a year in property taxes on land that would typically require around eighty thousand. All thanks to planting a couple of goats on each property."

"So that's why you have those pet goats? I thought they were just some silly gimmick, like the lion you had years ago."

"That lion was never a gimmick! I'd still have it if our stupid cousin hadn't called animal control!"

"Well he did need stitches after what it did to him," stated Jaime. Lancel had been in the hospital for days after Cersei's pet lion attacked him. "Well anyway, I am glad you see how horrible Trump is now. You've not spoken of him much since he was elected."

"Of course. It's impossible to deny now."

"What finally changed your mind? Was it when he said I was a war hero because I was captured and that he liked people who weren’t captured?" he asked hopefully. 

"No, and you should have been more careful then. It was when he failed to choose me as a VP or even give me any sort of cabinet position!"

"You're still upset about that!"

"Of course! I should have been president! I mean vice president! Also, it didn't help matters that he said Daenerys was younger and more beautiful than me!"

"Well, if it makes you feel any better to me you're a Queen and you may not be young but you're the most beautiful woman in westeros."

"A Queen. I wish we still had those. Being Queen would actually be much better. I could just kill all my enemies."

"You did kill all your enemies. Or at least a lot of them," Jaime replied, remembering the sept.

"Of course! And everyone thinks the wildlings did it! But sadly Margaery and Loras know or strongly suspect the truth. Can't believe they managed to get out in time!"

"Well, Tommen was happy about that."

"Tommen. He's only now this year started talking to me again!" she paused and then in a naughty voice asked, "So I'm a Queen to you, eh?"

"Yes, now My Queen, would you like to take your king to the bedroom now?"

"No. But I would like to take my knight there. You can kneel before your Queen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel the previous chaps were better but hope you all enjoyed this final one as well. Please leave a review about the story (no reviews about how great how think trump is or isn't please, keep them relating to the story! To do otherwise is rude!) 
> 
> **edit: Since people can't follow a simple rule I'm moderating comments. If your comment isn't about the fic, don't expect it to get approved. ******

**Author's Note:**

> Please review :) Let me know your fav line/insult or anything really. But if you didn't like it please be an adult and move along. I'll likely just reply to any trollish comments with a "Thank you for increasing my comment count."


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